JUNE 18, 2010

Liz and I have spent the last two days cleaning and taking care of kids. We've gotten a lot done, but we're both getting pretty tired.

Liz said she wanted the two of us to go up to Saratoga tomorrow, spend the night, and go to church Sunday morning. I've been contemplating it on and off since I got here, but have shoved it aside. But when Liz said "we're going", I couldn't handle it. I burst out crying. It finally came to me - Saratoga is where I left my Tony. I brought a very sick man to Idaho. So Saratoga Springs means Tony to me, and I don't want to go there with him gone. It's hard to explain - I know if I went, I would cry, but deal with it okay. But I don't want to know Saratago without Tony - it would take him away somehow.

I feel the same about the Rigby house - I have the opportunity to go inside it (a friend's daughter now owns it), but I still have Tony in that house and don't want to know it any other way.
So, we're not going to Saratoga Springs - I think I just want to leave Tony there, in my "once upon a time" land.